You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize