I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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