my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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