It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
