It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
