ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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