dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
