Screwed.edu
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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