Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
