Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
