You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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