You just made me feel so damn special
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
two words: eviction party
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
