i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
