Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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