I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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