I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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