i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
