idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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