I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
