You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
