Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
