I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
worst night to have a conscience
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
