i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
