You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So many bounce houses so little time
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
