no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Randomize
