True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Bring me that man meat
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
