I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
