I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
