Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize