i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
