I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
