We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
