I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
