My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
