then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
