I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
