Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
