why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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