Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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