I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
