life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
