I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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