Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
