He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize