do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
