You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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