the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
