It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
