This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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