Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
