In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
