I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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