I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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