i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
