I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
