I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize