mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
