i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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