my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize