all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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