In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
