so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
