3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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