I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
