I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
