i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
