roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
