Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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