I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize