i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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