Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
