TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
