If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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