trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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