i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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