He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
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