Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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