My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
