I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
