I'm so fucking centered right now
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
