Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
